Of Virgins and Virginity

*DISCLAIMER: I am going to swear a lot in this post due to the fact that my period might come next week. As a result this post is laced heavily with sarcasm, and even dark and creepy humour*

I believe in Virginity for the RIGHT REASONS.

A girl should not remain a virgin because she's keeping herself for some obscure husband figure who by the way is fucking the brains out of every other girl within penile reach.

Nothing irritates me more than when I hear a girl say something utterly daft and inane like "My husband and his family will respect me because I was a virgin on my wedding night"

*BLANK FUCKING STARE*

No you dumb bitch, if your husband respected you he would have kept himself pure and waited all damn twenty-six years of his life just to give himself to the sticky goodness of your vagina.
But obviously, you weren't that much of a big deal to him because the girl that holds the claim on his virginity is out there somewhere, two years older than him, and probably forever imprinted on his subconsciousness as the most magical fuck of his life.

In other words, it STILL isn't you, bloody virginity and all (no pun intended).

Spot the Dumb Bitch

I admit, there ARE men out there that are virgins, and are keeping them themselves virgins until they get married, but I ASSURE YOU that zero of them are doing it because of some fetishised idea of their future wife deflowering them. I also assure you that one hundred percent of them are doing it for religious or other philosophical reasons.

Either that, or they have an overwhelming fear of herpes. Which is not a bad thing.

An overwhelming fear of herpes is the beginning of wisdom. Trust me, I attend school in America, therefore I drink everything with a straw.

Back to what I was saying.

Women all over the world, and some more than others, seem to be particularly susceptible to buying into bullshit, and then turning around and perpetrating that bullshit against their fellow women.

Okay, you tell yourself he "loves" you because you were a virgin, and I tell you he's just happy he's found someone ostensibly disease-free to bear his offspring without worrying about whether the baby will be born with one eye because of your hideously vicious and particularly virulent strain of herpes.

Again, the fear of herpes is the begi.... what the fuck, you know the drill.

Your husband's supposed love for your virginity doesn't stop him from fucking other non-virgin girls does it? You'd think that if your virginity was so damn special it would help you grow vagina dentata to keep your man's damn penis at home. But. It. Doesn't.

Your fetish-king husband is still out there screwing Bisi, Bola, and Bimpe and probably enjoying it a whole lot more than he does with you.

Virginity does not a marriage make. The fact that you are a virgin does not guarantee that you will have a successful marriage, but a lot of girls seem to base their whole idea of marriage on this alone. It is extremely worrisome that Nigerian girls are being encouraged and nurtured to keep themselves for Nigerian men who on the other hand are patted on the back for promiscuity. Even their mothers take a "boys will be boys" approach to their incredibly lax sexual and moral upbringing while simultaneously clamping down on girls and treating them as the evil initiators of anything sexual.

On the flip side, in light of my darling country's latest stunt, otherwise known as Miss Virginity 2009 (Again. BLANK. FUCKING. STARE.), which they claim is to reduce "immorality" among Nigerian girls, who says virgins can't be "immoral" ?

The overwhelmingly pervasive idea in Nigeria that virgins are somehow "moral" and "righteous" and "innocent" and "pure" is laughable at best. Maybe that worked back in the day when sex was just sex, but over the last thousand years at least, regular old intercourse has evolved a number of cousins with catchy prefixes such as Oral-, Anal-, Tit-,etc. Not to mention all the branches and divisions of sex that exist today. The Japanese have created a whole sub-culture out of it. Bukkake, Hentai, Genki-Genki, Shonen-Ai. And that's just the stuff you hear about in main stream media. Most of the stuff I've mentioned doesn't even require vaginal penetration so why do people run around with the illusion ( and I am specifically talking about the misguided champions of so-called morality that organize rubbish like Miss Virginity) that if a girl is a virgin, then she must be good, and innocent, and pure?

Nothing could be further from the truth and the sooner Nigerians stop fueling the fantasies of pervy old Alhajis looking for the next six year old to violate, the better off we will be.

I am sick of the double standard that exists in Nigeria. I'm talking about Nigeria because I am Nigerian. I have nothing against virginity. If you are a virgin, and you want to keep being a virgin, then more power to you, but don't walk around feeling that due to your virginity that you are somehow better than the other girls around you, because you are not. I said girls, because this applies to girls. I cannot understand how any self respecting girl can base her feelings of moral superiority on what a man dictates that she be. God I understand and accept completely, but a man? Who isn't even remotely a virgin himself? Are you fucking kidding me? Yet I see it every day. Not just with this whole virginity debacle, but in almost every aspect of female life.

We women tend to judge ourselves by how much men value us. THAT is the reason why women bitch about each other so much. Men that realize this are very good at controlling women and pitting us against each other. Women feel jealous of other women not so much because of anything these women have done, but because they think that MEN think that these women are sexier, more beautiful, more attractive[INSERT ANY POSITIVE ADJECTIVE HERE] than they are.

Half the time we don't even realize we are doing this, but we bristle just at the thought of a rival female.
Why should I learn to cook JUST BECAUSE a man won't approve of me if I can't? Can that same man cook? (I know that a lot of men can and do cook, but the majority don't. At best they can heat food well enough to make it safe to eat.)
If I learn to cook it should be because I am interested in it, and I primarily need to eat. Hey maybe my children can latch onto this need because they're dependent on me, but certainly not a walking talking grown ass man.

By this reasoning, if a girl wants to remain a virgin, it should be on HER own terms or because of her religious belief or philosophy or for whatever reasons personal and meaningful to her. Not because some man somewhere is relishing the ego boost he'll get from the power that comes with taking someone's virginity or the sexual high he'll get from enacting a sick fantasy.

The same goes for virginity. Most of the virgins in Nigerian society do not think they are better than other females for any reason other than that they think Nigerian men will value them more. The problem is, the reasons for which Nigerian men value virgins is entirely different from the reasons that the virgins themselves imagine.
There is something incredibly seductive about violating innocence....nuff said.

The moral of this story is:

• Don't be a dumb bitch.
• Don't say you're staying a virgin so that your husband will respect you. A man who respects you will respect you irrespective of the presence of a tiny piece of skin between your legs.
• Do say you're staying a virgin because of your religion, cult, or intense desire to avoid herpes. This will earn you the genuine respect of others rather than some infantile bullshit about how you want to contribute to defloration fetishism among Nigerian men.
  

And even if you're saving your virginity for your husband, let it be because you know that giving yourself to someone sexually gives them power over you, and you don't want to trust that power to someone that you don't intend to be with for the rest of your life.


WARNING: The argument of "Oh well Sugabelly, I don't think you're a virgin and you must be jealous of virgins" is an irrelevant and completely unsupportable argument.

Only well thought out, intelligent comments, opinions and criticisms are allowed. This is a work in progress and a discussion. Admittedly it started out as a rant, but as this is my blog, I, and I alone will determine the terms of the discussion. I encourage free speech as much as possible, but if it is irrelevant or simply spiteful, it WILL be deleted and you WILL be bitched out.